You Racist White People!

I am very excited today to find out that I may not be white (and neither, it may turn out, are you!)...

David Palmore, who is a principal at one of the elementary schools in our district, is also one of the foremost experts on Appalachian literature (which may be, I think, similar to saying that you're one of the foremost experts on the history of ventriloquism--you're probably not facing a lot of competition! But I digress.). He is also on the Board of Directors of the Jesse Stuart Foundation, a non-profit in charge of maintaining the history of Kentucky writer Jesse Stuart and promoting other Appalachian writers as well. The foundation also has its own printing press and releases several Appalachian books each year (a number of which have been edited by Mr. Palmore).

Mr. Palmore was in the Board of Education offices today sharing--for what reason I never could fathom--a book published by the Jesse Stuart Foundation. The book chronicled the appearance and importance of the Melungeon race in fiction.

"The what?" you might be asking. That's right, the Melungeon race. It seems there is a race--which has been legally recognized by the United States, by the way--that hails from the Appalachian area. A Melungeon is of mixed race, mostly European, African, and Native American. A typical Melungeon appears Caucasian but has darker than average skin, hair, and eyes, and is typically a Baptist. This means that Sweasy's could qualify! Think about it! 1) My father's family is from Kentucky, and they moved around a lot, so they could have come from Appalachia at one time. 2) Also, before marrying my mother my father was Baptist. 3) I have brown eyes and brown hair, which could be considered dark. And when I work at it I can get a pretty impressive tan (though I try hard not to get one at all anymore). 4) And the rest of my family and I have several genetic features that are typical of Native American ancestry (most notably prominent tori). I could be a Melungeon!

And that's great news for me. As I said before, Melungeon is recognized by the U.S. government as a distinct race. This means that from now on I can in good conscience check the "Other" box on forms that ask for race. It also means that my daughters, when they get old enough for such things to matter, can apply for minority scholarships. And I also can suddenly feel much better about my education, my job, and my social standing. After all, I can be proud that I have overcome all of the bigotry and prejudices that my race has had to put up with for generations!

And most importantly, I can rant and rave about the white man and all of the problems he's caused in the world. Without lifting a finger I've earned the right to some righteous indignation!

And that's made my day.