Oucho Stinko!

I'm sad to say it, but the Bengals somehow managed even to exceed my expectations of how badly they would play. I can't believe that we're one week into the season and I have such little interest in the Bengals.

The game Sunday wasn't even fun to watch! Back in 1991-2005, when they managed to stink for almost a decade and a half, they were at least entertaining to watch, as a fan could always tune in to find out what kind of slapstick way they were going to lose that week! Would they lead the whole game and then allow a 92 yard rushing touchdown with 45 seconds left in the game? Would Sam Wyche take the microphone from the stadium announcer to remind Cincy fans that they didn't live in Cleveland? Would Jon Kitna try to throw a football but lose his grip and have it bounce off of his helmet before a lineman grabbed it in midair, a lineman who weighed 425 pounds but still somehow managed to lumber to the end zone for a touchdown, with Kitna holding him by the ankles the whole way? Would Carl Pickens drop a sure touchdown and drop to his knees in the end zone in agony? Ahh, we didn't win many games, but at least they were fun.

But Sunday's game was just...just...boring! I flipped the channels a couple of times hoping that maybe the Top 100 Moments in Soap Opera History would be on, or a documentary on the History Channel about perfume manufacturers during World War I, anything that might be a little more exciting than the game. And I couldn't help but think, "Why am I even watching this game? They sure didn't show up! Why should I?"

I'll give 'em another week, but if they don't play better next week, that might be it for me.

And maybe I should be grateful to the Bengals. After all, there's a game next week and 14 more after that. Each game lasts 3 1/2 hours. If I end up NOT watching the last 14 games that's 14 X3 1/2 equals 49 hours! That's more than 2 days of my life that I will be able to spend doing something productive rather than lying on the couch watching the Bengals descend into chaos. Think what I could accomplish with that time! I should be happy.

Thanks, Mike Brown!

P.S. I wonder how many other people changed Chad Ocho Cinco's name to "Oucho Stinko" as a headline? Probably only about 342,000! There I go again, showing my lack of individuality!