Useless Error Message

This afternoon at work I tried to send an email using my new Microsoft Outlook 2010 program. When I hit the "Send" button on the program the following box popped up:

I laughed out loud when I saw it, especially the hyperlinked question at the bottom of the window: "Was this information helpful?" The message "Cannot send this item" could not be LESS helpful! It's almost not even necessary. The fact that the error box popped up when I hit "Send" pretty much told me there was a problem. What I need to know at that point is WHY it can't be sent so that I can fix the problem.

And the fact that the button ASKS me if the information is helpful tells me that Microsoft KNOWS that it isn't. And don't assume that the link is at the bottom of every error message in Office 2010. It's not. I intentionally caused several other common errors and different message boxes appeared that did not have the hyperlinked question at the bottom. Microsoft KNOWS this is a dumb error message, but doesn't know how to put anything any more informative.

Or maybe the programmer is just mocking me!

King's Island

When I was a teenager and a young adult living in Frankfort, I went to King's Island amusement park at least once a year. Sometimes I went with a church group, sometimes with a school group, and sometime I just drove up with friends, but every year from 1981 until 1990 I went at least once. Then, in 1990, I moved to the Cincinnati area, and I remember thinking, "Wow! I can go to King's Island every weekend now if I want to."

I've never been back.

Until today. At my children's insistence, the entire family is heading to King's Island today. I wonder how much it will have changed in 20 years?

Chef Sweasy

I spent a lot of time yesterday in the kitchen. Not sure why. I guess it's a combination of the fact that our garden is now in full force and we have a TON of tomatoes and cucumbers to deal with, along with the fact that...well, I guess...I just wanted to be in the kitchen. So Saturday I made the following items, all from scratch:

1. Pancakes. I promised my younger daughter that I would make these yesterday, so I did.

2. Pasta Salad. I managed to use both an entire cucumber AND an entire tomato making a pasta salad.

3. Spaghetti Sauce. But that was nothing. I used FOUR tomatoes making a spaghetti sauce from scratch. I also used the remaining green pepper, celery, and onion in the house.

4. A fruit smoothie. I decided yesterday at noon that it would be a great idea to mow the lawn in 95 degree heat. After I finished, I wanted something COLD, so I broke out the blender, three bananas, some yogurt, and several  cubes of ice, and I made a smoothie. It was my favorite thing I made yesterday!

5. Pickles. I used only one cucumber, but I did use an entire one, making sliced sweet pickles.

Today I'm going to try to stay out of the kitchen as much as possible, though I know I will shortly be making eggs and soy bacon for my children.

Ripping Off the Scouts

If you were asked what is your favorite month of the year, you probably would NOT list February. December and January are the calendar months everyone associates with winter, but February is when the brutal stuff always seems to hit. And it's just cold and dreary during the month. But every year I look forward to February for two reasons. First, it's my birthday. Second, and most importantly, it's Girl Scout cookie season! And I don't look forward to Girl Scout cookie season because I enjoy paying exorbitant prices for prepackaged desserts. Actually, I hate it. I can't believe we were charged $3.75 for a box of cookies last year. No, I can sum up why I look forward to Girl Scout cookies in one word*: Samoas! Those cookies, a sort of striped shortbread cookie with coconut and caramel added, are the best pre-packaged cookie EVER! And I was willing to pay really high prices in order to get them.

But now I don't have to. Keebler has introduced a Samoas rip-off that they call simply Coconut Dreams. There's no denying it--these are Samoas rip offs! They look and taste exactly the same. My wife bought some without letting me know and then told me, "I have a treat for you at home--samoa cookies I found stashed in the back of the freezer!" I didn't remember the freezer ever being so crowded that I would have missed something like that, but I shrugged and ate them. I couldn't tell the difference. I asked Lisa where they REALLY came from and she told me, "Okay, I'm just kidding. They're a Keebler rip off!" But they are such a good rip off that I didn't believe that, either.

"Where did they REALLY come from?" I asked her.

"I promise you," she said, "one of those options is the truth. Which do you think it is?"

I looked at the cookies for a minute, trying to find some possible difference between them and samoas. Maybe the chocolate was a little less dark, but would six months in the freezer do that? I didn't know if it would or not. I finally shrugged. "I have NO idea."

She held up the Keebler package. "They're Keebler cookies." And I have to say, as much as the Girl Scouts have been ripping me off for years, I don't mind that Keebler has returned the favor and is now ripping them off. I'd say cookie sales will be down next year, though.

And now I'm down to only one reason to like February.
_______________________

*Or for some of you, I can describe it in three words: "Caramel de lites." Apparently these Girl Scout cookies have different names in different parts of the country.

Vent Haven 2010

This past Wednesday through last night was the annual Vent Haven Ventriloquist ConVENTion. And I have to say, it was a strange one for me. 

I've been coming to these things every year since 2000, when Lisa and I moved into the museum so that she could take the job as curator of the museum. She left the job and we moved out of the museum in 2008, but we've continued to be involved with the place (Lisa was actually appointed to the Board of Directors of the museum this past week). And after watching my kids grow up on the museum grounds, I will ALWAYS have a soft spot for the place.

However, this year was strange because I had so little involvement with the Convention (most of which happens at the nearby Drawbridge Inn). The girls and I went to the opening ceremony Wednesday night to see Lisa announced as the newest member of the Board of Directors, and I helped out yesterday at the museum when the conventioneers came for their annual tour, but that was it. It's a far cry from past years, when I spent LOTS of time at the hotel and, of course, lots of time at the museum getting it ready. There were years when I regularly stay out late until 2 AM or even later, just sitting in someone's hotel room with a bunch of other people, talking and having fun.

Even last year--which was our first year AFTER Lisa had left the job as curator--I spent more time at the convention than this year, going over one night to watch Jay Johnson perform and then just hanging out Saturday night. But nope. This year I spent all of about 15 minutes at the hotel. That's it.

I have no point to this post, really. Just what's on my mind. 

Why I'm Headed to the Hardware Store

I am on my way to the local hardware store to purchase a padlock. The video below shows why.

Note in the video the sly way our dog checks to see if anyone is watching before making her move. Unfortunately for her, she didn't know I was watching out of the kitchen window.



(I can't see the video.)

P.S. Our discovery of the dog's new "ability" also helped explain an earlier post. EVERYONE in the house swore that she wasn't the person who left the gate open. I guess we were all right.

More Stupid Directions

About a month ago I wrote a post about a set of directions I followed and how utterly stupid they were. Last night I stumbled upon another set of dumb directions.

They were for a product that was designed to preventatively clean out plumbing to keep pipes from clogging. The directions were printed on the back of the bottle, and I dutifully followed them:

1. Measure out 2 ounces of Pipe Shield.

The only measuring cups in my house were the ones I use for cooking (I used to have some measuring cups that I used for measuring chemicals, but I couldn't find them, and I'm assuming I threw them out when we moved two years ago), so I measured two ounces of water into a plastic cup and then marked where the water was in the cup. I then dumped that water out and poured two ounces of the drain cleaner into the cup.

2. Combine with 32 ounces of warm water.

I did so by filling a bucket with water to the one quart mark and then pouring the  drain cleaner into the bucket.

3. Pour the mixture into the sink you wish to clean.

Did it.

4. Allow the product to sit overnight.

That was an easy one. Slept right through that.

5. Run hot water in treated drain for one minute.

I did so, though the hot water was preceded by about 30 seconds of cold water before the pipes between the hot water tank and the kitchen sink warmed up and quit stealing the heat from the water.

6. Shake thoroughly before use.

That was the direction that got me. Instead of being step six, it should have been step one. The words "before use" should have clued someone in that making this the last step in the directions was a mistake.

And I know what you might be thinking--you should have read the directions before you started. Well, I DID, but the first time through I was reading them to just get an idea of the process that was involved, not to really take into account what the directions were step by step. I just wanted to see if I could do them without too much effort.

In the end, I doubt that shaking thoroughly would have made THAT much difference. Still, I'm starting to wonder about the competence of the people who write directions for a living.

Conservative Radio

Here's how ridiculous ultra-conservative radio is...

I was driving today and tuned my car radio to 91.7 FM, which is the frequency of WVXU in Cincinnati, an NPR news and discussion station. I'm a frequent listener of WVXU, especially All Things Considered, Prairie Home Companion, and This American Life. Because I work in the daytime most of the year, I am NOT usually a listener in the daytime during the week. So I tuned my radio to 91.7 not sure what I was going to hear, maybe Talk of the Nation or the Diane Rehm Show.

What I heard instead was what I immediately recognized as a satire of conservative talk radio. First, there was a radio commercial from some attorneys who were going to sue the state of New York to keep a mosque from being built at Ground Zero. "Let's make Ground Zero a memorial to the men and women who died," the ad said while sinister sounding music played, "not a memorial to the religion that brought the Towers down." Okay, I thought, this is pretty subtle satire here, making fun of our fear of Islam. Then an announcer came on talking about the war in Afghanistan, and how President Obama was out to intentionally lose the war so that he could blame the loss on Bush. Again, I thought--as callers chimed in to concur with the speaker--this is pretty subtle satire. I'm not sure I get the point other than to point out how dumb talk radio callers can be.

And then I realized--I wasn't in Northern Kentucky. I was out of range of WVXU. This wasn't satire at all. This WAS a conservative radio station.

I don't have any idea WHAT station I was listening to, but it's amazing how almost funny things can be when you're trying to make them funny.

Which maybe explains why Two and a Half Men has stayed on the air so long.

The Great Unknown

I was on YouTube yesterday and it recommended this song to me. I listened to it and was blown away. It's a gorgeous song in a painful way. I would have purchased and downloaded the song immediately, but it's a fairly new song and hasn't been released yet.

It has nothing to do with my life. My parents aren't divorced and neither are my children's parents. But I guess as a teacher (and just as a human being) I've been around people who ARE in this situation, and the song just has an air of authenticity.



(I can't see the video.)

On Dogs and Cucumbers

I haven't written in more than a week, so I'm making this post mostly because I think I ought to write SOMETHING. What I thought I'd do is update a few old posts.

Update #1: Xena, Warrior Princess. I haven't written since November about our dog, Xena. When I wrote back then, I was dealing with the fact that Xena used to show her submission to me via submissive urination. Every time I approached her in a threatening manner (which in her eyes was just walking toward her and leaning forward) she would crouch and pee if someone else wasn't in the room with us.

Today I can say it's been months since Xena has peed submissively for me. Part of the reason for the lapse is that I've learned the instances when she IS likely to pee submissively, and I just stay away from her. But that's not the only reason. She's also gained confidence, both in herself and in me. I can tell because when I sit down beside her now when it's just the two of us in a room, her ears no longer fall to the back of her head (another sign of submission). She still will tend to lick her lips, though, which is a sign of nervousness. She's a LOT better, though, and a lot more confident.

Two Sundays ago the whole family (minus the dog, of course) went to church. On the way home we drove down Beechwood Road past Beechwood Schools. There, in the front yard of the school, was a dog that looked just like Xena. It was a HOT day (what day hasn't been lately?) and the dog was relaxing in the shade of a tree, panting, its tongue hanging out, but looking completely comfortable. "Hey, look," Lisa said as a joke. "There's Xena, just hanging out up at the school like a kid."

We all laughed, but then as we drove by we all four frowned almost simultaneously and craned our necks to look back. I think it was my younger daughter who shouted, "Hey! That IS Xena!"

And it was. Someone had left the back gate open, and she'd gotten out. I don't know how long she'd been out, but she leaped into the car when we opened the door (She usually is hesitant to get into a vehicle).

That was one of those times when I wish she'd had a collar with a video camera on it around her neck, so that I could have seen what she did for those 90 minutes.

Update #2: The Garden. I mentioned just about a month ago that my younger daughter had finally gotten her wish--we'd finally worked with her to plant a garden. I wrote on that day how excited I was that we finally had a vegetable that was almost fully grown, a single cucumber.

Today I can say this: I am SICK of cucumbers. We've had cucumber sandwiches, pasta and cucumber salads, and we've just sliced up cucumbers and served them with ranch dressing. For the last three weeks I don't think a single day has gone by when cucumbers were NOT served during at least one meal.

We've been giving them away, too, but the darned things just keep coming. For a while there I thought the plant was slowing down in its growth of new cukes, but then we found underneath the plant a mature cucumber that we'd been missing for days. It was MORE than ready, a state fair contest type of cucumber, maybe twice the size of a cucumber you'd see in the grocery store, and I think it was taking a lot of the vine's energy. Now that it's been removed several new cucumbers have arrived.

And believe it or not, the cucumbers are NOTHING compared to what it's going to be like when our nine tomato plants mature. We have a single tomato that is pink in color and will probably be ready for harvesting tomorrow or Saturday. But there are literally a 100 or so that are right behind it and that will ripen soon afterward, probably mostly all at the same time.

And I don't even LIKE tomatoes.

Our other plants are NOT doing as well. The strawberries and the green pepper plants are being eaten by the deer, and our watermelon plant keeps growing and blossoming flowers, but melons never come.

Oh well, cucumber and tomato pasta salad is on the menu for the next month or so.