Zoo

Today I was off work, and Lisa didn't have any tours, so we decided that it would be a good idea to take a family day before the chaos that is the Vent Haven ConVENTion begins (See yesterday's post for more info on that!). So we all went to the zoo together.

Sounds like it would be a nice time, doesn't it? And it was a nice time. Except. Except it was only about 70 degrees and it rained most of the time. Which was kind of funny because the park was in Summer Heat Mode, with vendors selling Icees and snow cones and giant mist machines stationed throughout the zoo in order to help cool everyone down. What they really needed were people selling parkas and umbrellas, and maybe hot cocoa for the foolish people (read "everyone in the family except Lisa") who decided to wear shorts.

Lisa was the one who really wanted to go to the zoo, and it was because she had heard about the new giraffe exhibit. The old giraffe exhibit had two giraffes in it, and they pretty much stayed in the back of the exhibit where you couldn't see them well. The new exhibit was designed to get you up close and personal with the giraffes. You walk onto a bridge that is the same height as an adult giraffe's head, and you can feed the giraffes from leaves that are nearby.

Again, sounds great, doesn't it? The only problem here, though, is that the five giraffes in the exhibit are brand new to the exhibit, and as such they are pretty much scared to death of all of the people on the bridge. As a result, they kept their distance. The photo above shows Lisa and Meredith watching one of the giraffes.

One animal we did get to see a little more closely were the elephants. The one in the foreground of the picture you see here was sucking water out of a hole and spraying it on himself (or herself--I'm really not sure). Over and over again. The one in the background, meanwhile, was having problems. Lisa referred to that one as the "slow" elephant or the "mentally disabled" elephant. He had grabbed a load of hay with his trunk as if to eat it, but every time he lifted his trunk to put the hay in his mouth he would close his mouth. When he dropped his trunk he'd open his mouth back up again, but when he lifted the hay again he'd close his mouth again. He did this probably ten times before finally getting the hay into his mouth.

Despite the rain we had a good time, though we didn't stay as long as we normally would. We had to get back home anyway, though, because the girls had dentist appointments this afternoon and Natalie has soccer camp tonight.

It is an eventful day.

Two Weeks Until the ConVENTion!

It's two weeks until the ventriloquist convention, and things are hopping around here!

Okay, it's actually two and half weeks until the convention, but things are hopping around here!

Okay, it's actually two and half weeks until the convention, and we haven't really started gearing up for it yet.

But we will!

Soon!

It's the calm before the storm. Over the next two and a half weeks we will do the following:

1. Clean every figure in the museum
2. Clean the frame and glass of every photo on display at the museum
3. Clean the gutters and rooftops of each museum building
4. Paint the front porch of the museum house and the stairs leading up the porch
5. Paint the planters in the yard
6. Paint the lawn furniture, including staining the wooden benches
7. Stain the deck of the "Building Four" of the museum
8. Weed and mulch every flower bed on the museum grounds
9. Scan the remaining non-framed photos and add them to the museum database

In addition to all of that, I will be working three days a week this week and next week and I'll even work one day the week of the convention.

It's going to be fun. We're going to earn that vacation we're taking later in the month.

Quote of the Day

"You're not going crazy. You're going sane...in a crazy world!"

The Tick

My Children Are Growing Up!

The headline for this entry pretty much says it all. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, we went to the Cincinnati Museum Center and the girls were NOT interested in the Children's Museum where they used to play all of the time and instead wanted to go to the Cincinnati History Museum, a place they showed absolutely no interest in until recently. It made me realize they were growing and changing.

I had the same feeling last night when Lisa and I took the girls to the Florence Mall. We used to visit the Florence Mall all the time when we lived in Florence. We do so much less now, mostly because a) We no longer live in Florence, making the mall quite a bit further away (When we lived on Tamarack Drive in Florence the mall was less than 2 miles from our house.) and because b) The Crestview Hills Mall is now open and is so close to where we live now.

So it had been a long time since we'd been to the mall, and Lisa and I both commented on how much the girls had changed from back when we used to go at least twice a month if not weekly. When the girls were smaller, their favorite places were as follows:

1. The Children's play area, which contains a number of soft playground-like pieces of equipment in the shape of various animals. We would spend the majority of our time in the play land when the girls were toddlers. Last night I noticed that Natalie was about twice as tall as the "You must be at least this SMALL to use this play area" sign.
2. The Walt Disney Store. The girls loved the stuffed animal display in the back of the store.
3. When they got a little older, they loved the Build a Bear workshop. In fact, one of them had her birthday party there one year, but I can't remember which I can't remember when.

Yesterday, though, here were their favorite stores:

1. The Limited, Too, which is a pre-teen clothing store. The store blasts teeny bopper music over its audio system and has clothing choices that are noticeably "older" in style than the clothes I'm used to my kids wearing (no Barney t-shirts at Limited, Too).
2. Libby Lu, which is similar to The Limited, Too, but focuses more on accessories than clothing.

Both stores featured Hannah Montanna pretty heavily, as well as a group called the Jonas Brothers. Meredith confided in me, "Yeah, pretty much all of the girls at school think the Jonas Brothers are awesome!"

So the girls are growing up; what else is new? They've been growing up all along. They quit watching Blues Clues a long time ago, and it's been years since anyone in our house has hummed any tunes from Sesame Street. We quit reading Dr. Seuss a long time ago in favor of Magic Treehouse books and then Harry Potter books after that. This time, though, the changes that are coming seem bigger, more intense. I hope they're able to handle them.

I hope I can, too.

Cincinnati Museum Center

I am off work today, and Lisa had a couple of tours and then museum work with one of the advisers in the afternoon, so the girls and I took off for a final visit to the Cincinnati Museum Center. I call it a final visit because our membership there expires on June 30, and I don't see us going again between now and Monday.

To be honest, the girls are getting a little old for much of the museum center. The Museum Center basically can be broken down into six separate areas:

1. The Rotunda, which is the main lobby and includes places where you buy tickets, eat lunch, and visit gift shops
2. The Children's Museum, which used to be my girls' favorite place to go and where we spent almost all of our time, but it's really for kids ages 1 to 6 or so. Today we didn't even visit there.
3. The Natural History Museum, which is really nice. My favorite part of it is the replica of a limestone cave. It's really a very involved exhibit. If you've never been imagine the largest possible exhibit of a cave you can imagine and then double it and you MIGHT get an idea of the size of the cave exhibit at the Cincy Natural History Museum. It really is impressive, and you really feel like you're inside a cave.
4. The Cincinnati History Museum. If you've been to the Kentucky History Museum, it's pretty much the same thing. The Cincy Museum is maybe 1.5 times the size of the Kentucky History Museum.
5. Special Exhibits Hall. The special exhibits in this hall usually cost extra money, even for members, so we usually don't go. The current exhibit has a bunch of plasticized bodies in it.
6. The Omnimax Theater. Again, this costs extra money, so we only occasionally go.

Today, as I said, we skipped the Children's Museum entirely. We began at the Natural History Museum. The photo at the top of this entry shows the girls playing with a miniature glacier. In the exhibit they stack sand around the flowing glacier and then watch as the glacier cuts a valley through the sand.

We spent a great deal of time today in the Cincinnati History Museum, a place that we have rarely visited in the past since the girls were too young for it. But they really enjoyed it this time. We spent a great deal of time looking at the miniature version of Cincinnati in the 1920's.

We also visited the special World War II exhibit, which focuses on Cincinnati's role during World War II. Saw this period gasoline sign in the 1940's garage. Wow, that was a long time ago!

My favorite section of the museum, though (and I think the girls like it, too), is the life sized rendition of downtown Cincinnati in the mid 1800's. After winding through some claustrophobic exhibits, a museum visitor comes out into the wide open, cobble stone street with buildings all around. You can go into some of the buildings (Others are just artificial fronts) and see the period relics inside, such as in the corner store and the dress shop and the printing press and the bank. It's all very interesting.

The one thing I DIDN'T like about this section was that there were a whole bunch of volunteers in the exhibit dressed up in period costumes and acting as if they were from the 1860's. I don't mind people dressing up in costumes; that's great. But I don't like it when people want to talk to me like today is 1864 and when they won't give a straight answer to simple questions like, "Where's the bathroom?" When I ask a volunteer that question, I want to be told where the bathroom is! I don't want a reply of, "Ah, whatever you do, I'd avoid relieving yourself in the river there. The town constable has been coming down mighty hard on people who do that of late!"

Anyway, despite the annoying wannabe actors, we enjoyed that part of the exhibit. This photo is taken from inside the life sized steamboat at one end of the exhibit. The girls are on the outer deck of the riverboat, staring at the painting (except I think Meredith is actually staring at the REAL water than runs around the recreation. The real water was about three inches deep).

Scammed!

At least I didn't give any Nigerian prince my bank account numbers...

I got scammed yesterday. At least I think I got scammed. I guess the best scammers leave you scratching your head, not sure whether what happened actually happened (Actually, I guess that would be SECOND rate scammers. First rate scammers would leave you with no idea at all that you'd even been scammed).

Lisa, the girls, and I were leaving Wal-Mart yesterday when a young guy, maybe in his mid-twenties (Crud, I'm getting old. I just referred to a guy in his mid-twenties as a "young guy!"), came up to me as I was putting our shopping cart away and said that he was out of gas and he asked if I could take him to a gas station to get some gas.

A lot of people might have said no. I've never given panhandlers money, and I drive by broken down vehicles all the time, but I'm a sucker for someone who doesn't have gas. Don't know why I ignore the others but help with this. Wait, that's not true. I know EXACTLY why I ignore the others. I ignore panhandlers because I know darned well that most of them are not out of work, homeless Viet Nam vets. Most are just guys who show up at baseball games to make some easy money. And I don't help people with broken down cars because I know NOTHING about cars. If I pulled over to help them, I'd end up sitting behind the wheel of their car, turning the key, hearing the car try to turn over and not start. And I'd say, "Yep, you're right. The car won't start. Well," I'd say as I'd hand the keys back to the driver, "I've done all I can do. Have a nice day," and then I'd drive off. What's the point?

But I can think of at least three times I've helped people who've run out of gas. One Christmas Eve when the girls were itty bitty I picked up a couple who were maybe 300 yards ahead of their car, walking in the snow towards a gas station carrying an empty gas can. I knew darned well that the only gas station in the direction they were walking was closed for Christmas Eve, so I picked them up and took them to the nearest station, bought the gas for them, and then took them back to their car.

One other time I was on Dixie Highway pulling into my street when the car in front of me ran out of gas. According to the frazzled woman behind the wheel, the car had started bucking and her daughter pointed out the empty tank to the woman, and she had tried to turn around and go back to the nearest station when her car had stalled right in the middle of the southbound lanes of traffic, blocking both southbound lanes. I turned on my flashers, got out of my car, and pushed her car onto my street. I then drove home (which is only maybe 70 yards down the road from Dixie Highway), grabbed my lawn mower gas can, and ran back and put the gallon or so of gas I had in her tank. She didn't have any cash, but I told her not to worry about it.

I can think of another time as well, but it's pretty close to the first example, so why bother telling the story. My point is that I've taken people to get gas before, and doing so has left me feeling warm and fuzzy afterward.

Not so yesterday. Between the time that I told the guy I'd give him a ride and the time that I got into the van, told the family what we were doing, and went and picked up the guy, I had a funny feeling about the whole situation. But I'd told the guy I'd do it, so I did. I picked him up and we headed toward a gas station. He kept thanking me for doing this for him, and at one point he said, "I really mean it. Thanks a lot! A lot of people would see a guy like me hanging out in a parking lot without any money and think I was trying to rip them off." That sent up a red flag! If he'd told me before that he didn't have any money, I hadn't heard him. When we got to the gas station, he jumped out of the van, pulled the pump hose off its holder and put it in his 2 gallon gas tank. Then he looked kind of questioningly at me and said, "Uh, you gonna go inside and pay or you got a credit card?"

Now, I'd planned to pay for his gas anyway just like I'd always done, but this really irritated me. I was pretty sure I was being taken advantage of. But for all I knew the guy had a knife or something, so I pumped the gas for him. I did ask him while I was pumping it, "So what's a guy without ANY money doing at Wal-Mart?" He gave a pretty lame answer, but I could tell by the look in his eye that he knew I knew something was up. Still, I paid for the gas and then took him back to his car.

So I got ripped off! This simultaneously made me angry AND indifferent. Here's why it made me angry:

1. I'll be less likely to help someone who's out of gas the next time. I've always liked helping people without being asked and for no other reason than because I want to help them. The next time I see someone with an empty gas can, I'll be a little less likely to stop and help. That makes me sad, but it's just a fact of life: Personal injuries--even the non-physical kind--leave scars.

2. This WAS a personal injury. Being ripped off--even if it's just for gas--leaves a person feeling a little bit naked, a little unsafe. I get up every third morning of the week to go jogging. If I'm working on those days (like today) I usually hit the pavement about 5:00 AM, when it's still dark. This morning I was jogging down Dixie Highway, listening to Pink Floyd and zoning out, when I heard someone yell. I looked across the street to the sidewalk on the other side of the highway and a woman was shouting to me. I pulled off my headphones and shouted "What?"

She called back, "Is this the way to Remke's Market?"

On any day a stranger asking a question like that in the dark would be a little weird (I've jogged this route more than 100 times and never had anyone ask me a question. Most women don't even make eye contact with me when I pass them!), but this morning I was especially on edge. I answered her question (Yes, Remke's was in the direction she was heading and just around the bend) but I also was glancing from right to left, looking for someone to come out of the trees and attack me. I know my anxiety was in part because of the situation the day before.

On the other hand, I'm also pretty indifferent to the whole situation. Here's why:

1. The guy didn't get much from me. As I said above, he had a 2 gallon gas tank. But I only gave him a gallon of gas. When I stopped pumping he looked up at me curiously. I said to him, "That'll be enough to get you where you're going." He said thanks and put the cap back on, but he was a little sullen about it, I thought. So in the end he cost me ten minutes and four bucks. If I'm going to get ripped off, I'll take that kind of a scam anytime. Interestingly, I found out today that a family member of one of my co-workers has--over the course of the last 2 1/2 years--been scammed out of almost $24,000. The family member has Alzheimer's and has been giving her Social Security check to a stranger who was "investing" it for her. 4 bucks versus 24,000. Kind of puts the whole thing in perspective for me.

2. The police were waiting for us. As I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot I could see the police car, pulled in front of the "out of gas" car, blocking its exit. I saw it before the scammer did, so I got to enjoy the change in his demeanor when he noticed the car. "Aww, man, see," he shouted in disgust, "some people think we're trying to rip off people, but we're not!" I pulled up and saw that the policeman had the guy's partner out of the car and was talking to him. The partner didn't look too happy. Our guy jumped out. I asked the policeman if he needed us to stick around and he said, "I think I see what's going on here." So best case scenario, they got arrested or fined. At the very least they were in for several minutes of discomforting questions.

The latter is more likely, I know, but that's okay by me. To be honest, I would have paid four dollars to see the guy's expression when he saw the policeman.

Funny Quote

I read this (Okay, I HEARD it, since I'm listening to the audiobook) in David Sedaris' book When You Are Engulfed in Flames, a book of personal essays. Sedaris, who grew up in an upper-middle class family, is describing a poor woman that his parents hired to watch him and his brother and sisters while his parents were on vacation:

She had this attitude: not that she was better than us, but that she was as good as us!

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

Disturbed

Not much disturbs or shocks me regarding popular music, to be honest. After all, I grew up listening to Marvin Gay's "Let's Get It On" and Queen's "Get Down, Make Love" and a host of other songs that one wouldn't call suggestive--they'd gone far beyond suggestive to being outright dirty.

So I'm not a prude, and Britney's Spears dancing in a sexy schoolgirl costume when she was 15 didn't shock or disturb me, and Christina Aguilera's "Dirty" didn't bother me. I didn't LIKE the songs, either, but they didn't bother me.

In fact, I think you'd have to go back to 1991 to the Divinyl's song "I Touch Myself" to find a song that I was jaw-dropping shocked by when I first heard/saw it.

That is, until today. This morning I was up before everyone else in the house and was downstairs waiting for the coffee to finish. I was flipping channels and came across the video at the end of this post. I was seriously shocked AND disturbed by it. I don't know what shocks me more, the implied acceptance (Heck, more than acceptance--"embrace" is a better word) of homosexuality, or the casual embrace of sexuality in general in this song. When I saw it I assumed the singer was a teenager. I now know she's 23. Still, I find the song disturbing.

Maybe the fact that Meredith and Natalie are close to becoming teenagers is why the song bothers me so much. I pray (and I hope you will, too) for them because they are growing up in an age where sex is treated so casually (As the song states about 2:20 in, "Ain't no big deal"). I hope they'll be able to look through what's accepted to see what's right, but I worry that they won't and that they'll have to make mistakes themselves.

Anyway, I almost loathe to put it on here, but I decided to do so anyway because you know what they say about 1,000 words. If you're in the mood to be shocked, watch the video. If you'd rather not, I don't blame you.

U.S. 127

Yesterday the family took a trip down to Frankfort to visit Mom and Dad. Instead of taking I-75 to I-64 and getting to Frankfort that way, like we did for 17 years, lately (including yesterday) we've been going I-71 to the Sparta exit and then coming to Frankfort via U.S. 127. An IBM salesman recommended that route to me about a year ago, and I've been driving it ever since. After 17 years of travelling up and down I-75/64, it was a nice change. After a year of driving it, I've noticed the following:

1) Since U.S. 127 was straightened between Frankfort and Sparta, the drive is now a MUCH quicker, more direct route than the interstates. It takes almost exactly 90 minutes to get from my house to Frankfort via I-75/64. It takes about 75 minutes on 127 (assuming I don't get stuck behind a tractor).

2) The drive is pretty boring. As I said above, it was nice at first to see something different, but there honestly isn't a whole lot more to see on 127 than there was on I-75. Trees and barns. That's about it. Driving through downtown Owenton can be pretty, but I pretty much just want to get through there when I hit it, so I don't really notice it.

3) Don't take U.S. 127 at night. Too many deer. If it's going to be dark, I'll take the extra 15 minutes and take I=75/ 64. Literally EVERY time I've been on U.S. 127 I've seen at least one deer, including yesterday, when a deer darted in front of a car a couple hundred yards in front of us. The driver had to slam on his brakes but missed the deer.

Overall, though, I'll take 127 over I-75/64. It's more economical. Driving for 90 minutes at 75 miles per hour uses much more gas than driving 75 minutes at 60 miles per hour. Sounds like a math problem, doesn't it?

Anyway, we went to Frankfort and had a nice visit. I posted new pictures, which include photos from the visit. You can see the new photos by clicking the link to the right or by clicking right here.

The Big Dead Machine

Sunday I went to a Cincinnati Reds game, my first of the season. It was a gift from my father-in-law for Father's Day. At least I think it was a gift. It was 95 degrees, sunny, and Sweasy's First Law of Summer was in effect (I made sure to cover my ears this time, but I didn't account for the fact that my t-shirt was going to shift around on me, so I didn't put the sunscreen a little bit underneath the neck of my shirt. As a result, I have a nice red ring around my neck).

In addition, the Reds were just plain awful. We only stayed through six innings, but they never even came CLOSE to scoring. I think they eventually lost 9-0.

Their pitching hasn't been TERRIBLE the last week or so, but they have no offense at all. There is an article in today's Cincinnati Enquirer that talks about the fact that not only are they losing, but they're losing AND boring at the same time.

I think the problem might begin with their manager. Here's what he had to say about last night's 6-1 loss: "It's hard to win with one, unless you get a shutout."

I don't know what world he lives in, but not only is it HARD to win with one unless you get a shutout, but as far as I know, it's IMPOSSIBLE to win with one unless you get a shutout.

If you'd like to read the article for yourself, you can click this link: The Big Dead Machine.

The Joy of Reading

I love to read. Always have. But in my adult life, I've seldom done it for pleasure (unless you count reading NEWSWEEK and TIME reading for pleasure. Since I'm not being forced to read them, I guess technically it is reading for pleasure, but still...). The reasons I haven't often read for pleasure are kind of apparent when I consider them:

1) The nature of my former job: As an English teacher, I was reading a LOT as part of my job. After a day of spending five hours talking about two or three different pieces of literature, I really didn't want to go home and read something else.
2) Reading to My Kids: I've been reading to my kids almost every night for 11 years now, and coupled with reason #1 above, that was enough reading to satisfy me.
3) The Internet: A lot of time that I used to spend with a book I spend online now.

But I've started reading more lately. At home Lisa and I have fallen into an occasional routine of reading separately side by side, so that's where some of the reading time is coming from. Another place where reading time is coming from is the pool. I've been taking the girls to the pool quite a bit lately, and they no longer need me in the water with them (In fact, when their friends are there, they sometimes don't WANT me in the water with them), so I've had time to just sit in a chair and read. Finally, I got a new cell phone recently. It doesn't have any games that I like on it, but it does have an ebook reader, so I've been reading during down time on my phone.

So what am I reading? Several things at once, actually. This might bother some people, but as an English major, reading multiple things simultaneously is old hat for me. Here are the titles I'm reading as of today:

1) Hamlet, by William Shakespeare. This is what I've been reading on my phone. It's old enough to be in the public domain so I didn't have to buy it. It's good reading. I've read it umpteen times, but there's always something new there.

2) The End of the Road, by John Barth. This is a novel about a character who is mentally defective. His problem is that he has no beliefs and no personality of his own. The story reminds me very much of the character Dexter from the Showtime series of the same name. Only he's not a mass murderer.

3) When You are Engulfed in Flames, by Davis Sedaris. I'm actually LISTENING to this book, as I purchased the audio book for this one. Very funny stuff.

I'm actually reading some other books as well, including Barack Obama's AUDACITY OF HOPE, and a couple of religious books. In addition, I'm still reading with the kids and reading NEWSWEEK. When I give myself the time, it's very enjoyable. So it only took me four years to recover from 14 years of teaching so that I could get back to the joy of reading again.

The ATM

There is an old joke that asks the question, "Why is there Braille printing on the drive up ATM window?" It was a funny question the first 20 times I heard it, but it hasn't been so funny for the last seven or eight hundred times I've heard someone say it (And I'm always amazed at how smart those people think they are when they're repeating the joke, too!)

On the other hand, as I sat at the drive up ATM today, I saw something else that puzzled me even further. The newer ATM's have a slot for a headphone jack and a big button beside the headphone jack, a big button which, I presume, will start the ATM talking. This leads me to a similar question as those above: Who are these things for?

The easy answer would be to say that these are for the hearing impaired. This would increase the volume. But think about it: The only sound an ATM makes is a beeping sound when you push the buttons. Everything else happens on the screen. Are these beeps so important that we need a headphone jack for them?

A second answer could be that these headphone jacks are also for the blind. After all, the new ATM's I'm describing have large touch screens on them that don't have room for Braille. So maybe these are also for the blind. However, that leads me to two more questions:

1) How do these devices help? Since the screen is a touch screen, how do the blind feel their way to push the correct buttons on the screen? Do the headphones give feedback: "You just pushed a 2. If that's correct, push it again?" Or, "You Chose 'Withdraw cash.' If that's correct, push it again." Seems like it would have been easier to leave the old buttons and the Braile.

2) If the headphone jack is for the blind, how do the blind people FIND the headphone jack? It's awfully small.

If they're not for the blind, then who are they for? The illiterate? Do we really want people who can't figure out an ATM driving? How will they read the road signs?

I don't know the answers to any of this. I just found the question of these headphone jacks much more interesting than the old Braile question.

Tim Russert

It was really amazing how much the death of Tim Russert mattered to Lisa and me. We didn't know him personally; yet we felt like we did. We only saw him occasionally; yet the death felt very personal to us. It must speak something to the authenticity of the man. He seemed like a real person to me, and a genuinely nice person. He was always fair to the politicians on MEET THE PRESS, and he never seemed to punch below the belt or take the cheap question. He asked the questions that I would have asked had I been sitting in his chair, and he asked them better than I would have. He will be missed.

Over the weekend I was amazed by the outpouring of emotion for the guy. His life was the ONLY topic on MSNBC all weekend, and even George Stephanopolis's show on competing ABC led off with a tribute. I saw a segment on CNN about it as well. I couldn't believe that the death of a journalist was getting so much attention, and I couldn't believe people all over the USA felt so strongly about the man.

And yet I watched the coverage and felt the same way. I found out about his death Saturday morning, and Lisa and I watched a couple of hours of coverage on his death Saturday and then again on Sunday. And I like him better after those four hours than I did before watching them.

He will be missed in this house.

Suggested Slogans

Mapquest: We'll ALMOST Get You There!

or

Mapquest: You'll Find Your Way...Eventually...On Your Own!

or

Mapquest: Where One Way Streets Have No Meaning

The Day After

The KySTE conference ended yesterday, and it has been a day of rest for me. I went to bed at 9:30 last night and slept until 9:30 this morning. And then I didn't do a whole lot after that. A little yard work. A little balancing of the checkbook. A few bills paid. That's about it.

Meredith is off camping this weekend. She left yesterday afternoon while the rain was pouring down outside. She went with a friend and her family, and the father of the family wasn't too keen on going. "But [my wife] wants to go," he said, "and when she wants to go, we go." So they went. Apparently everything is fine, though. We haven't heard from them yet.

Since Meredith is out of the house, Natalie had a friend spend the night tonight, so we took them to the pool and now they're downstairs watching a movie.

I'm trying to get a scanner to work with Microsoft Vista. Fun, fun, fun.

Anyway, it's been a day of relaxation, so I don't have much to report.

And that's good.

Little Joe

As I mentioned earlier, this has been a busy week for me as I've been working and attending the KySTE Conference. I gave two presentations and was helping with a bunch of other stuff at the conference as well. Also, we've had a lot going on at the house. Natalie was sick for a couple of days with a high fever (never really figured out what the problem was, but it went away and she's fine now), Lisa has been giving tours, and--probably the biggest headache/inconvenience--we have a contractor renovating the basement bathroom. All of this is a preface to my story today, to explain my state of mind so that perhaps you won't judge me too severely.

Here's the story: Yesterday I'm sitting in one of the conference presentations listening to the presenter and thinking about one of my own presentations, which was immediately following. My smart phone buzzes in my pocket, and I look down to see that I have an email at my home email account, and that it's from Mom. The subject of the email is "Anniversary." I look at it and think, "Why is she writing about her anniversary in June? It's not until October!" Nothing has clicked in my head yet.

I open the email and start reading. I've deleted the email so I don't recall exactly what it said, but it began something like, "Well, it's been 13 years, hasn't it?" Still nothing registers with me. I think, "What is she talking about, 13 years? It's been way over 50 years since they got married!" (No one has ever accused me of being the sharpest guy.)

I read on. The email says something like, "I hope you and Lisa have big plans." That's when it hit me. Holy crud! It's my anniversary!

So I've become THAT guy.

Immediately an event from earlier in the day is replayed in my head. Lisa called me about noon. When I asked her what was up, she said, "Oh nothing. Just checking in." Oh no. Was she giving me a chance to wish her a happy anniversary? Had I blown it?

When it was time for my presentation, I just lead off with what was on my mind. I learned a long time ago that if I don't get stuff like that out of the way right away that it will bother me and affect what I do, so I just started the presentation with, "Before I get started, I need to tell you about this." And then I told them pretty much what I told you just now. They gave me all sorts of advice, including buying her jewelry, making reservations quickly at a fancy restaurant, buying flowers. Everyone agreed that I should remotely delete that email so that Lisa would think I'd remembered our anniversary all of my own and not that I'd been reminded by my mother (This is the reason the email is deleted and I no longer have it to refer to).

So what did I do? Lisa called me twice WHILE I WAS GIVING MY PRESENTATION, and I didn't answer, which just made me feel worse. So when the presentation was over I called her, with plans to tell her that I was coming home to take her to a fancy restaurant (I'd figure out which restaurant later). Instead, as soon as she answered hello, I blurted out, "I'm so sorry that I forgot our anniversary! And the only reason I even remembered was that I got an email from my mom congratulating us!" I squinted shut my eyes and waited for the axe to fall.

But you know what? There was no axe. Lisa was fine with it. She said, "Oh, that's okay. I thought you might." When I told her what I'd been planning and that I would still take her to a fancy dinner if she wanted, she said, "No, I don't want that. Just come home. I've already started dinner, and it's almost ready."

Now to understand my confusion you have to understand this: I'm the cook in my house. Lisa doesn't like to cook at all, and I very much DO like to cook. I make 95% of the meals in the house because I enjoy it. So this making dinner thing was not an everyday occurrence. This made me very cautious. "So...you're not upset?" I inquired tentatively.

"No, not at all. Just come on home," she replied. And I did. And dinner was fantastic: spinach shells, a homemade salad, garlic bread, even cherry turnovers for dessert.

I can't shake the feeling, though, that this is all a ruse, a trap to bait me into feeling safe. This morning several people who'd been in my session yesterday asked what happened. I told them. And then I said, "I'm a little creeped out, though. I feel like the guy in the mafia picture." You know the guy I'm talking about: the one who owes the big loan to the mafia and is WAY late in the payments. He's scared to death the hit man that visits him is going to hurt him, or even worse, kill him. But the mafia guy smiles and puts his arm around the frightened man and says,

"Hey, dat's no problem, Little Joe, no problem at all."

And Little Joe looks at him suspiciously. "Really?" he asks, unsure.

"Yeah," the hit man says. "Hey, it's okay. Happens all da time. Da Boss knows you're good for it!"

"Oh, thank God!" Little Joe says. "I thought you were coming here to..." And he trails off.

"What? Me? No way!" says the hit man. "Hey, you mean too much to us. You're important. You know dat, right?"

"Oh, well I'd like to think I'm important," says Little Joe. "I was just thinking," he says as he relaxes his shoulders and the tension seems to drain out of him, "that if the Boss and I could get together--"

And that's when he gets blown away by the hit man. As soon as he lets his guard down.

So today...I'm keeping mine up.

An Example of an Epigram that Maybe Doesn't Really Translate So Well in the Real World

"If the world gives you unemployment and incurable cancer, make Unemployment-and-Incurable-Cancerade. "

Chauffeur

This is a busy week for me. I am on the Board of Directors of the Kentucky Society for Technology in Education, and this week is our annual conference. I'm an outgoing member of the board (I'm the representative on the board for the Northern Kentucky school districts), and my last act as a member of the board is to be a slave for this conference.

For the most part the work I've been doing has not been much fun. Today I was in charge of vendor setup for the vendor room of the conference. As vendors arrived I directed them to check in and once they'd done that I helped them take their equipment to their booth and then I helped them with whatever they needed. So it's been a day of, "Can I get another table?" and "I need two more electric outlets" and "I can't seem to connect to this school's wireless." Fun, fun, fun. And for a guy like me, who by his very nature is kind of shy with people when I meet them the first time (though not at all shy with people once I get to know them), it's painful talking to 100 strangers (thought truth be told, I knew most of the vendors anyway from past conferences).

On the other hand, yesterday was MUCH more fun. I got to pick up our guest speakers at the airport. Now, on first thought, the idea of picking people up at the airport doesn't sound like much fun. But think about this: How often have you landed at an airport and seen a chauffeur standing holding a sign that says "Mr. Johnson" or something like that? And how often have you thought, "You know, I'D like to do that!" Of course you have! Well, I got my chance yesterday. Before I left to go to the airport I printed signs for each of the gentlemen I was picking up and held them up at the airport while I waited for them at baggage claim! It was fun!

But you could tell I was a newbie. First of all, I didn't have a cool chauffeur hat. Secondly, I didn't have a neon clipboard, just a plain piece of paper. All of the other chauffeurs had hats and clipboards. I'm pretty sure they were all looking at me and smirking in derision.

Oh well, I'll know better next time!

Local Ordinance

I was driving through downtown Covington just now, and I noticed a sign that I'd seen before but never really considered: Posted throughout downtown Covington are signs which state "No Loud Noises, per Local Ordinance Number" and then it lists some long ordinance number.

As I said, I've seen those signs before (I couldn't help it. They're all over the place), but today I was struck by a couple of things:

1) What in the world was going ON in Covington to get these signs put up? I mean, I'm sure pretty much every city in the United States has an ordinance against loud noises and being a public nuisance. Why did Covington feel the need to post such a law? Were people walking the streets blowing air horns? Were people mounting jet engines onto the back of their vehicles and driving around waking up people? Was this a backlash against really bad Christmas carolers?

I'm not sure what the reason was, but I'm pretty sure that there had to be something that precipitated the posting of the signs, and I'm pretty sure that--whether they had to quit or not--the people who caused the posting of the sign had to feel proud about the impact they made (unless it really WAS the Christmas carolers. They probably were really embarassed and ashamed and now have to relive that shame every day).

2) Don't post negative behaviors that you don't want people to do. This is a rule that all first year education students in college are taught...because posting negative behaviors actually encourages them. I had no desire to make any loud noises until I saw that sign today, and then I really had to hold back the urge to open my window and just start shouting, or maybe roll down my windows and turn my stereo up just a little bit.

So if you ever read this in the Covington police reports in the newspaper, you'll know why:

ARRESTED: Fort Mitchell male, 40, standing on street corner on 4th and Russell St., with microphone and amplifier. Suspect was holding microphone too close to amplifier, causing high pitched whining sound. When questioned, suspect said the signs made him to it. Taken to hospital for psychological observation.

One of My Favorite Things My Daughter Has Said in a Long Time

Overheard while Meredith was playing Super Mario Brothers on the Nintendo Wii:

"Oh, come on! THAT could never happen in the real world!"

Sweasy's First Law of Summer

Lisa had two museum tours today, and then she was going to attend a graduation party of one of her (now former) seniors, so the girls and I had most of the day to ourselves. After church we came home and had lunch, and then decided that it would be a GREAT idea to go the pool...on a Sunday...when the temperature is 95 degrees.

The place was absolutely packed. We were lucky to find a parking spot at all, and once we got through the entrance we found that every lounge chair and pool chair and picnic bench and any other place to sit was taken, so we ended up just setting our towels down on the concrete.

It was a good time, though. We were there for four hours, and I spent about half of that time in the water with the girls and half the time sweating on the pool deck. After a couple of hours the crowd thinned out enough that we were able to even get a couple of chairs to sit in.

As hot as it was, I made sure to put sunscreen on both of the girls and on myself. Except that I forgot my ears. We use sunscreen with an SPF of 2,343,845 (It's liquid iron. You rub it in and it forms a hard, protective, metal barrier sort of like what a medieval knight would wear into battle.), so I'm pretty much white as a field of new fallen snow everywhere except for my beet red ears.

Which leads me to Sweasy's First Law of Summer (I actually have no idea if there will be a second or third law, but what the hey): No matter how hard you try, you will always forget to put the sunscreen SOMEWHERE.

Life as a Vegetarian

I've been making a slow movement towards vegetarianism for years now, and let me tell you--it doesn't get easier.

My journey began in October, 2001. After reading an article in Consumer Reports about beef I decided that I was no longer going to eat beef anymore. The article wasn't about the mistreatment of animals or anything like that. The article had a title something like, "How Safe is Your Beef?" but in the process of discussing safety issues with beef the article discussed the life of an average beef cow. I don't want to get into the details because I know most people still eat beef; just let me say that much of a beef cow's life is not spent grazing in the grass. So I quit eating beef (A few months later Natalie and Meredith BOTH quit eating animals entirely).

A few months later I quit eating ALL mammals, and that was how it stayed for a number of years. I'd eat chicken or turkey or other poultry, and I'd eat fish (and I guess I'd eat insects and reptiles, too, if the opportunity ever arose) but I wouldn't eat mammals. I always knew that I was sort of sitting in never-never land between being omnivorous and being a vegetarian, but I never had an impetus to push me one way or the other.

And then in February of this year my school district received some recalled beef. My superintendent asked me to write a press release on his behalf and a letter that could be sent home to parents. In the process of doing research for those pieces of writing I read about slaughtering practices in the United States and decided at that point that I was giving up all meat entirely! Except fish. A guy's got to have some protein!

So it's been about four months now, and I have to say this: It sucks.

I am so tired of eating the same things over and over. I don't see how Meredith and Natalie have done it for all these years. We pretty much are limited at home to the following main dishes: 1) Pizza, 2) spaghetti, 3) tortellini, 4) macaroni and cheese, 5) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, 6) Cincinnati chili made with soy meat, 7) traditional chili made with soy meat, 8) enchiladas, 9) tacos with soy meat, 10) bean burritos, 11) taco salad. It doesn't sound terribly monotonous until you look at the list more closely and realize --when you get right down to it--numbers 1-3 are really the same dish, as are 6-7 and 8-11.

We eat a lot of soy. We eat a lot of salad. And I'm really getting tired of it.

Maybe if I liked vegetables being a vegetarian would be easy. But you know what? I don't.

I know any discomfort here is self-inflicted, so your sympathy is probably pretty low. I'm just saying how I feel right now is all. I don't even know what I would want. I don't really even like the taste of meat anymore, either. I'm just craving something different.

I still eat fish, and I order it pretty much whenever we go out to eat. I love grilled fish. But I can't cook it myself. The very first time I ever tried to grill fish I did it perfectly. I grilled salmon I had basted with a sauce I purchased at Kroger, and it was as good--if not better--than anything I'd ever had at a restaurant. But I've never gotten close again. I've tried maybe a dozen times since then, different fish, different ways of cooking, different ingredients. I never get it right. I either overcook the fish until it's this dry, chewy thing, or I serve this undercooked, slimy, nasty dish. I just don't have the touch.

If I ever gave up fish, too, and became a complete vegetarian, I think I'd be miserable.

This all sounds pretty whiny to me. I'm tempted to backspace over the whole thing and start over. But I won't. Instead, I'm going to punch that "Publish Post" button right below this line and then go downstairs and look in the kitchen cabinets and see if there's anything in there besides dried cranberries and pasta. Maybe there'll be a bag of pork rinds in the back. Or some beef jerky.

Pure Evil

No, I'm not talking about Hillary Clinton today, though I can understand why you might think so based on that title and on what I've written in the past.

Instead, all I want to present today is a quote from one of my favorite Kurt Vonnegut novels, Mother Night. The novel is about Howard Campbell, a man wrongly on trial for crimes against humanity (or is he wrongly on trial? It's kind of the point of the whole novel). In one of the key scenes of the novel he is face to face with an accuser, who admits that he wants to rip Campbell apart for the crimes he has committed. He says that Campbell is pure evil, and that it is his destiny to destroy him. To which Campbell replies as follows:

"There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too. Where is evil? It's that large part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on its side. It's that part of every man that finds all kinds of ugliness so attractive. It's that part of an imbecile that punishes and vilifies and makes war gladly."

It's been years since I read that passage. I don't think--when I originally read it--that it affected me much at all. But today it made me tired. I'm tired, tired of the war in Iraq, tired of Clinton vs. Obama vs. McCain, tired of gay marriage, tired of all the vitriol. When did we, as a species, decide that those who were of a different opinion than us are not just of a different opinion, but are evil? Why does it have to be this way? Why do people get on TV news shows and shout at each other? Why do people strap bombs to themselves and walk into discotheques? Why is there so much unmitigated hatred?

I'm tired of it all.

"Unless I Get Addicted..."

Those were the words with which I ended my post of May 1, in which I stated that I was creating this blog for work-related purposes only in order to check out the reliability of the website I was using, http://www.jottit.com/. I said in that post that once I had determined the reliability of the site that I would stop making posts unless I got addicted to keeping my own blog.

Well, apparently I'm addicted. I decided three things yesterday:

1) Jottit.com is a fairly stable site. I used it for 6 weeks, and though the site was occasionally down the first week I used it, I never had a problem with it again.

2) I want to continue to keep a blog. This was the decision that I wasn't expecting, but I've found that I enjoy jotting my random thoughts down here, and it doesn't take much time. At one point when I thought about keeping a blog I thought, "What could I possibly find to say?" but I'm finding that topics just kind of come to me each day. Rarely do I plan in advance to talk about a subject (The only exception being the "Microsoft is Making Me Dumber" post, which I thought about maybe a week before I posted it and waited for a day when I didn't have anything else to say). Each day Life sort of deals me a subject. So, for now, I'll keep writing.

3) Jottit.com isn't the site I want to use for a permanent blog. Don't get me wrong. It's a great site, and I'm going to continue to use it for other things and I'm going to recommend it to teachers to use with their classes. However, there were some features missing from Jottit that I felt I wanted to have on a permanent blog.

So if you're visiting the site today and you notice that it looks a little different, that's because I ported my entire blog to a new site, blogger.com. Everything that was on the old Sweasy.net blog is here, plus some new features:

• You can now leave a comment about posts made on the site. To do so, click on the link at the bottom of the blog entry that says "0 comments" or "1 comment" or whatever number it says. I currently have it set up so that anyone can comment without having to create a google account (Blogger is owned by google). Just post as "Anonymous." Keep in mind, though, that your post can be read by anyone on the Internet, so don't post personal things that you wouldn't want ANYONE to read.
• Posts are automatically archived. I had to do this myself before.
• There is a survey on the site now. Yes, you can complete a survey question. I'll change them from time to time.
• You can now email a link to a blog entry directly to someone just by clicking the little envelope at the bottom of each entry.

There are a lot of other features as well, features which I have not implemented but may in the future. But I guess that this means that I have--after about 10 years of resisting--entered the world of the "blogosphere" (just typing the word sort of makes me sick, but oh well).

Oh yeah, and blogger.com has a built in spell checker, too, so I can continue in my journey toward stupidity!

What was THAT?

I tell you what, Hillary Clinton never ceases to amaze me. Barack Obama clinched the Democratic Party nomination last night, and I stayed up past my bedtime (Yes, I have the bedtime of an average 8 year old, the result of "summer hours" at the Board of Education, which begin at 7 AM) to see what kind of speech Hillary would give. I expected one of two things: 1) "I want to congratulate Senator Obama on clinching the Democratic nomination tonight, and I want to announce that I will end/suspend/whatever my campaign for the nomination." OR 2) "I do NOT accept the common belief that Senator Obama has clinched the Democratic nomination tonight! Superdelegates are free to change their minds between now and Denver, and I'm going to spend the next two months convincing them all that I am the better candidate! And we're going to go to the Credentials Committee and fight for the right to seat EVERY delegate!" I was expecting the first to happen, and afraid that the second might.

But that speech last night was...what? It hardly mentioned Obama, and it certainly seemed to sound like a concession speech as she thanked all of her supporters for their work and she made statements something to the effect of "We fought a hard campaign" and "I've always tried to do what's best for the American people." But then she didn't quit! She said, "This is a long campaign, and I will be making no decisions tonight!" Uh, Hillary, it's not your decision to make. It was the American people (or at least, the American people who could vote in the Democratic primaries) who made the decision, and it wasn't you.

Her speech was just kind of shocking to me. It would be as if Tom Brady, in the locker room after the New York Giants had just upset his Patriots, when interviewed, had said, "We're down, but we're going to pick ourselves up. And we need our fans to write in and let us know if we should go back out there and WIN this game!"

The game is over.

So the video below pretty much sums up how I feel about Hillary Clinton. It may take a while to load, but wait for it. It's worth it.

Microsoft Office is Making Me Dumber!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I know there are people out there who hate Microsoft software and people out there who--well, I don't know anyone who LOVES Microsoft products, so the parallel structure falls apart a little bit. Maybe I should say this: there are people out there who hate Microsoft software and people out there who DON'T hate Microsoft software products.

I'd definitely fall into the second group. Yes, I understand that--in almost everything Microsoft does--it is always playing catch up, and almost always creating a product that is ALMOST as good as the original, but it's cheaper and there's more of it, so it becomes the standard (Think Windows to Mac OS, or Internet Explorer to Netscape Navigator, or Windows Movie Maker to Apple imovie). Despite that, though, I don't have a problem with most Microsoft products. They work pretty well, and (with the exception of Windows Vista, which I've talked about earlier) I find Microsoft software products to be satisfying.

I do have one problem with Microsoft Office, though: it's swiftly making me stupid! Let me explain. One of Microsoft Office's most convenient features is the automatic spell check. As you type, the system checks your spelling, and--if you misspell a word or make a typo--the program automatically corrects it. The program fixes the problems without even telling you it is doing so, so if you're not looking at the screen but actually reading something off of a piece of paper, you'll type "I saww teh large dog," but when you look up at the screen you'll see "I saw the large dog."

That's great, until you try to type in a program that doesn't have this feature. The website that I use to create this blog (jottit.com) doesn't have automatic spell correction, and what I've found over the last few weeks of using the site is this:

1. I no longer know how to type certain words. Typing is a lot like reading. When you first start reading, you have to sound out every word you see, but as you build your skills, you develop what we in the educational field call "sight words," words that you recognize just by looking at them. For instance, most people reading this don't have to sound out "cat" or "dog" or even a bigger word like "category." You've read those words enough that you see them and you recognize them. Not so with words like "recognify" or "intrapedagolical." You've never seen those words before*, so you most likely have to study them to figure out how to say them. Typing works the same way. When you first start typing you have to think about where your fingers go for common words, but eventually your brain builds patterns of finger movements for words frequently used. And thanks to Microsoft Office, many of my patterns are wrong. I spell "the" as "teh," and "every" as "veery." And because this website doesn't have automatic spelling, I type a blog entry and then look up to see all kinds of weird permutations of words.




2. I no longer remember how to spell. Another problem caused by this feature of Office is that I've forgotten how to spell even fairly common words because I know that as long as I get my typing sort of close to the actual spelling the program will autocorrect the spelling for me. Thus, I've forgotten how to spell "definitely" (which I had to look up yesterday, and intentionally re-used today so that I would get the spelling in my head again) and similar words.
   

So I'm getting dumber by the minute, and Microsoft is to blame!

*How do I know you've never read these before? Because I made them up. They're not real words...

...except that there are two pages on the Internet that actually use "recognify," though I've looked in several places, including online and offline dictionaries, including the OXFORD DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, and the word isn't real.

Things Fall Apart

Monday, June 2, 2008

I'm a Republican. Let's get that straight. I don't say that with a whole lot of pride because I feel that--since about 1994 or so and definitely since 2000--the Republican party has been hijacked by a sub-group that doesn't REALLY care about the principles of the Republican party (small government) as much as it cares about making the really rich really richer. Also, the fact that we started a war in Iraq that we had no business starting is also a problem. So like I said, I don't say I'm a Republican with a whole lot of pride.

That is, until Saturday. I sat Saturday and watched perhaps a grand total of 2 hours of the Democrats' Rules and Bylaws Committee. It was (seriously!) riveting drama, especially the last hour when the voting happened. It also made the Democratic Party look absolutely ridiculous! And disorganized! And moronic!

I'm a HUGE fan of the television show THE WEST WING. In fact, I would rank it the best, most consistent television show I've ever seen, especially the first four seasons when Aaron Sorkin was writing the show. I didn't watch the show when it first aired on TV but instead watched all seven seasons on DVD in about 10 months time in 2005-2006. I would watch the shows while I worked out on my elliptical, and I would come upstairs after some episodes and tell Lisa that I felt Sorkin was a prophet because episodes written in 2000 would sound eerily like they'd been written after September 11, 2001 (In fact, if someone had played for George Bush the ending of the episode entitled "A Proportional Response" from Season One, then perhaps the whole Iraq War could have been averted).

The show stumbled a bit after Sorkin left. Actually, let's be honest here: It out and out stunk during Season Five and I almost stopped watching it. But it found its footing again in the Middle of Season Six when the show was about--you guessed it--the election of a new Democratic candidate for the U.S. Presidency. The second half of Season Six was all about that, and I enjoyed it, but as I watched it I thought to myself, "This is fun, but it's also completely ludicrous. There is no way that any political party in the 21st century is going to fight all the way to the convention to determine a candidate! Everything is pretty much wrapped up by Super Tuesday. The whole storyline is absurd!"

Boy, was I wrong. On the 6th season DVD, one episode entitled "Things Fall Apart" is summarized in this way: "The success of the impeccably organized Republican Convention contrasts with the Democrats who look in disarray as the candidates continue to battle to become the Democratic Party presidential nominee."

Talk about prophetic!