Poorly Written Copy, part two

Those silver-tongued poets from Kroger are at it again!

I wrote a previous post about the ability of Kroger's marketers to put text on a box that makes even ice cream unappealing. Well, I found another example recently, and it's on the Kroger generic version of Vitamin Water.

Before I show you their version, though, let's consider for just a moment the real thing. What genius lies in the name Vitamin Water! What a terrific pairing of words: "vitamin" and "water." It sounds both healthy and clean. Never mind that Vitamin Water is neither of those things. It's basically overpriced Kool-Aid in a bottle, but what marketing chops!

Compare that with the Kroger knock off:

Zero Calorie Vitamin Enhanced Water Beverage. It sounds neither clean nor healthy. It sounds like exactly what is is, chemicals in a bottle. Maybe it's just that the Kroger people are too honest. Or maybe they're just stupid. Because I don't know about you, but I NEVER catch myself saying, "I am DYING of thirst. Does anyone have a bottle of zero calorie vitamin enhanced water beverage sitting around?"*

I think it's the term "water beverage" that really gets to me. "Vitamin Water" sounds like water...only better. "Water Beverage" sounds like it's some kind of liquid sort of like water. Completely different effect.

Sadly, I still drink the stuff, though, 'cause it's cheaper...