Okay, I'm getting fairly tired of this whole string of posts, so let me just finish up with a summary of my ten least liked Christmas songs. For a few of these, it's not the actual song I hate--it's a specific recording. For others, it doesn't matter who sings it--I don't like the song. So here they are:10. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." The point of this song, you see, is that we, the listener, understand that there's no such thing as Santa Claus. It's not Santa that Mommy is kissing--it's Dad, dressed up as Santa. We know more about Christmas than the kid singing the song does! Get it? Isn't that cute? Doesn't that make this just a precious song?
No, it doesn't. Couple it with the annoying voice of the kid singing the original recording, and I change the radio station every time this song is on.
And on a slightly different note, I can understand the father dressing up as Santa Claus maybe on Christmas morning or at a Christmas party or something, but why was the father dressed up as Santa Claus at night when the kids were supposed to be asleep? Who was he playing Santa for? His wife? And if that's the case, did the kid stumble upon something a little weirder than just Mommy kissing Santa? Was this some kind of sick role playing thing going on downstairs?
9. "The Christmas Shoes." Holy crud, could a song be TRYING to pull on our heartstrings any harder than this song? I know at my heart there's a bit of a cynic, but--believe it or not--I AM moved by good literature, but it has to feel genuine. I get teary eyed at the end of Death of a Salesman when Willy's wife stands at his grave telling him they're free, and I cried like a baby the first time I watched Sally Field break down in the cemetery during Steel Magnolias, and I even got a little misty-eyed at the end of Home Alone when the old man neighbor's family came to see him. But what I don't like is being felt like I'm being DIRECTED to get emotional ("Cue tears of sympathy...NOW!"), and that's what I feel like when I listen to this song.
Look, I'll buy the kid a dozen pairs of shoes for his mom if he'll just go away!
8. Anything by Mannheim Steamroller. I don't think this one requires any explanation.
7. Anything by Alvin and the Chipmunks. Ditto.
6. "Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer." I can't even really put into words WHY this song bothers me as much as it does. I mean, I guess it IS kind of a funny song. Maybe it's that it's been overplayed. Maybe it's the faux Appalachian accents of the singers. Maybe it's the whole "Gee-This-is-a-funny-song-ain't-it" attitude of the song. I'm not sure. But when I hear it something makes me want to stab my jugular with the nearest branch of mistletoe just to get it all over with.
5. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree." I don't actually hate this song. I hate the most popular version of it, the one recorded by Brenda Lee. Something about her voice in it just drives me up a wall.
4. "Do You Hear What I Hear?" There are all kinds of things wrong with this song. To start with, since when does the "Night Wind" have a consciouness and speak to a lamb? The wind is not a living creature--it's just the movement of air. Also, the night wind describes the star as having "a tail as big as a kite." Uh, sorry, Night Wind. That's not a star you're looking at. Sounds like a comet to me.
Also, as with "The Little Drummer Boy," this song is seemingly based in Biblical times, but the story isn't accurate. For instance, there was no king at the end of the story who proclaims that the child will "bring us goodness and light." Instead, according to the Bible, the king pretty much did everything he could to KILL the child. That final verse should read, "The child, the child sleeping in the night / If you see him, kill him on sight!/ If you see him, kill him on sight!" Not a very comforting way to end the song, but more Biblically accurate.
3. "Do They Know It's Christmas?"
2. "The 12 Days of Christmas."
1. "The Little Drummer Boy."
No comments:
Post a Comment