Little Joe

As I mentioned earlier, this has been a busy week for me as I've been working and attending the KySTE Conference. I gave two presentations and was helping with a bunch of other stuff at the conference as well. Also, we've had a lot going on at the house. Natalie was sick for a couple of days with a high fever (never really figured out what the problem was, but it went away and she's fine now), Lisa has been giving tours, and--probably the biggest headache/inconvenience--we have a contractor renovating the basement bathroom. All of this is a preface to my story today, to explain my state of mind so that perhaps you won't judge me too severely.

Here's the story: Yesterday I'm sitting in one of the conference presentations listening to the presenter and thinking about one of my own presentations, which was immediately following. My smart phone buzzes in my pocket, and I look down to see that I have an email at my home email account, and that it's from Mom. The subject of the email is "Anniversary." I look at it and think, "Why is she writing about her anniversary in June? It's not until October!" Nothing has clicked in my head yet.

I open the email and start reading. I've deleted the email so I don't recall exactly what it said, but it began something like, "Well, it's been 13 years, hasn't it?" Still nothing registers with me. I think, "What is she talking about, 13 years? It's been way over 50 years since they got married!" (No one has ever accused me of being the sharpest guy.)

I read on. The email says something like, "I hope you and Lisa have big plans." That's when it hit me. Holy crud! It's my anniversary!

So I've become THAT guy.

Immediately an event from earlier in the day is replayed in my head. Lisa called me about noon. When I asked her what was up, she said, "Oh nothing. Just checking in." Oh no. Was she giving me a chance to wish her a happy anniversary? Had I blown it?

When it was time for my presentation, I just lead off with what was on my mind. I learned a long time ago that if I don't get stuff like that out of the way right away that it will bother me and affect what I do, so I just started the presentation with, "Before I get started, I need to tell you about this." And then I told them pretty much what I told you just now. They gave me all sorts of advice, including buying her jewelry, making reservations quickly at a fancy restaurant, buying flowers. Everyone agreed that I should remotely delete that email so that Lisa would think I'd remembered our anniversary all of my own and not that I'd been reminded by my mother (This is the reason the email is deleted and I no longer have it to refer to).

So what did I do? Lisa called me twice WHILE I WAS GIVING MY PRESENTATION, and I didn't answer, which just made me feel worse. So when the presentation was over I called her, with plans to tell her that I was coming home to take her to a fancy restaurant (I'd figure out which restaurant later). Instead, as soon as she answered hello, I blurted out, "I'm so sorry that I forgot our anniversary! And the only reason I even remembered was that I got an email from my mom congratulating us!" I squinted shut my eyes and waited for the axe to fall.

But you know what? There was no axe. Lisa was fine with it. She said, "Oh, that's okay. I thought you might." When I told her what I'd been planning and that I would still take her to a fancy dinner if she wanted, she said, "No, I don't want that. Just come home. I've already started dinner, and it's almost ready."

Now to understand my confusion you have to understand this: I'm the cook in my house. Lisa doesn't like to cook at all, and I very much DO like to cook. I make 95% of the meals in the house because I enjoy it. So this making dinner thing was not an everyday occurrence. This made me very cautious. "So...you're not upset?" I inquired tentatively.

"No, not at all. Just come on home," she replied. And I did. And dinner was fantastic: spinach shells, a homemade salad, garlic bread, even cherry turnovers for dessert.

I can't shake the feeling, though, that this is all a ruse, a trap to bait me into feeling safe. This morning several people who'd been in my session yesterday asked what happened. I told them. And then I said, "I'm a little creeped out, though. I feel like the guy in the mafia picture." You know the guy I'm talking about: the one who owes the big loan to the mafia and is WAY late in the payments. He's scared to death the hit man that visits him is going to hurt him, or even worse, kill him. But the mafia guy smiles and puts his arm around the frightened man and says,

"Hey, dat's no problem, Little Joe, no problem at all."

And Little Joe looks at him suspiciously. "Really?" he asks, unsure.

"Yeah," the hit man says. "Hey, it's okay. Happens all da time. Da Boss knows you're good for it!"

"Oh, thank God!" Little Joe says. "I thought you were coming here to..." And he trails off.

"What? Me? No way!" says the hit man. "Hey, you mean too much to us. You're important. You know dat, right?"

"Oh, well I'd like to think I'm important," says Little Joe. "I was just thinking," he says as he relaxes his shoulders and the tension seems to drain out of him, "that if the Boss and I could get together--"

And that's when he gets blown away by the hit man. As soon as he lets his guard down.

So today...I'm keeping mine up.