Drug Commercials, part one

There are plenty of funny and eye-catching commercials on TV, most of which premiere during the Super Bowl. And there are a bunch of great commercials that have aired just within the last year or so. Off the top of my head I can think of the talking baby in the e-trade ad, the many Budweiser commercials that run during the big game, and the "Gimme back that Fillet-o-fish" McDonald's ad that ran during Lent.

But by far, my favorite type of ad is the prescription drug commercial. I guess I like them so much because they have so many strings attached to them, and it makes their commercials completely different from everyone else's commercials.

In fact, I like prescription drug commercials so much that I KNOW it's going to take at least two blog entries to get to everything I like about them. Let's start today with those strings I just mentioned...

The FDA regulates prescription drug advertisements, and it has stated, in its infinite wisdom, that a drug company can create a commercial which mentions a specific drug but not tell the viewer what the drug does and the FDA doesn't have a problem with that. They're also okay with the opposite advertisement: An ad can mention a specific treatment and that there is a drug out there for it, but if they do that they can't mention the name of the drug without strings. Or an ad CAN mention both the name of the drug AND what the drug does, but if the ad does that then it also has to include any warnings and side effects and it also has to include a web address and/or a magazine ad where the viewer can get even MORE information.

And that makes for some fun commercials. I've seen all three types. I've seen commercials where a drug's name is mentioned but the viewer has NO IDEA what it is the drug does. "The next time you're at the doctor," the ad might state while it shows a completely unrelated image of a man running down a park path, "ask your doctor if EXEMPLIFY might help you." Might help me do what? Apparently I have to go do my doctor and ask.

I've also seen ads of the second type, where a condition is mentioned but no specific drug name is listed. One that jumps out at me was a couple of years ago there were numerous ads for Restless Leg Syndrome (I remember that because Lisa is convinced I have this). The ads would say, "Do you find yourself tossing and turning at night? Do you find your body twitching as you sleep? If so, you may have Restless Leg Syndrome. You should see your doctor about possible treatments." Of course, an ad like that is usually only run by a company that has the ONLY drug for a specific medical condition.

But it's the third type that are the most fun. I love that the drug ads that list both the product name and what it does usually have such a long list of warnings that they barely have time to even mention the drug and what it does anyway. "If you have high cholesterol," the ad begins, "you should ask your doctor about new Remolan." And then the ad spends the next 50 seconds listing side effects that range from dizziness to bloody urine to bad breath to coronary arrest! I enjoy it immensely.

I guess what I like about these ads is that I feel the FDA has the drug companies in a very uncomfortable position. They HAVE to tell the truth or risk millions of dollars in fines and millions of dollars in lawsuits. I can all but feel the drug company CEO squirming as the narrator talks about painful 4 hour long erections that lead to a heart attack.

I wish the FCC would have the same gonads as the FDA and make ALL advertisers have to tell the truth about their ads. Imagine:

• An attractive barmaid saunters across the bar and hands a frothing glass of Budweiser to an attractive young man. A voice comes over the TV that says, "Drinking Budweiser while socializing can lead to an unattractive beer gut and to you saying something completely stupid that you'll later regret. In some instances, certain people who use Budweiser for extended periods of time may develop an intolerance to alcohol. Periods of amnesia followed by unwanted tattoos and sexually transmitted diseases have been reported by people who use Budweiser."
• A late night ad shows a number of people watching TV, reading, drinking a cup of coffee, or having a conversation, all while wearing a Snuggie. A voice over states, "Warning: Wearing a Snuggie will make you look like either a monk or an escaped mental patient. Also, couldn't you just use a bathrobe turned backward?"
• Some happy music plays as a family sits down to a heaping plate of pancakes at IHOP. An announcer states, "Before visiting an IHOP, realize that each meal has the caloric equivalent of three days of meals for a standard human being. Whatever you're thinking about buying and eating from IHOP, you'll probably regret ten minutes later."
• An ad for a Chevrolet Corvette shows a red car racing around winding curves. An announcer says, "If you attempt to drive like this, you will probably die. Also, Chevrolets have one of the worst reliability records in the auto market today. Maybe you should look at a Honda."

I'm waiting for the day I get to see commercials like that!